10. Self Care

A leader who can be characterized as exhibiting little self-care would be Georgina.  She let the difficult times get the best of her, to the point where she may not have been caring for herself in the way that she should have.  Instead of balancing her time between herself and the people she was leading, she spent too much time worrying about the problems and the people involved than herself.  Her spiritual life went downhill; she just wasn't setting aside time daily to be with God because it seemed like there was just too much to do and think about. This really caused her to stumble, but it took her a while to realize why that was. She also become too involved emotionally in the trials going on in other people's lives, that it was affecting her daily life. She began to worry too much what people were thinking of her and began to be discouraged.  She saw herself as a failure and began to become burnt out.  She wasn't able to give much because she didn't have much left.

An example of a leader who has exhibited good self-care would be Susana.  At the beginning of her leadership position things were going great.  She felt like she was really growing and learning a lot.  Then things started happening and soon there was more difficulty than she could have ever expected.  However, she knew that being in leadership would be a sacrifice, so she continued to press on and do her best.  She also knew that her time with God each day was vital, so she made sure that was a priority.  She did have times where things frustrated her and discouraged her, but she always had a peace that surrounded her.  She was always positive and striving to be better, and didn't dwell on the things she messed up on.  She continued to grow, even in the time of hardship.

Bad self-care is when the problems become self-centered and begin to affect how a leader sees themselves. It is when they lose focus of the goal and of the task on hand.  It is when they dwell on the bad and pass up the good moments.  These people are negative and down on themselves, thinking they are failures and spending too much time blaming rather than fixing.

Good self-care is exhibited by people who are consistent, even when life situations are not.  They are resilient and continue to have a good attitude even when times are hard.  They do not dwell on their mistakes, but strive to be better. They keep up on the things that are important to them and do not let their emotions get the best of them.

I can definitely learn from these examples. I think I posses qualities from both sides. I need to continue to grow in the consistency area and striving towards being better rather than things I can't fix.

9. Leadership then & now

My idea of leadership when I was in elementary school was basically seeing leaders as authority.  I knew that they were in charge and that I had to listen to them.  People in leadership over me were "cool," and I looked up to them.  As a kid, I never really saw their perspective of things.  I saw their position as their job, so they must love it and they must be good at it.  I never really thought about how hard it could and all the challenges they would face.  Now that I'm in leadership and I'm a lot older, I see things from their perspective.  For leaders over me, I am the kind of person who notices when they may be struggling or when things could be hard for them.  As a leader myself, I know from experience how hard it is to be a a leader sometimes.  I see leadership as less of something you are born into and more of something you work towards.  I am learning everyday what it means to be a leader.  I see leadership as less than just an authority and more of a time of challenge and growth.  Maturity with age is one cause for the shift.  I have grown older and am more aware of other people.  I see people as more than just their position.  I've also shifted my thinking because I have become close to some of the leaders in my life and gotten to know a little more about what it means to them to lead.  Also, I am a leader now myself, and I am learning different aspects to leadership that I never would have thought of.  It is such a sacrifice, and so much more than being in "authority" over people.  It is a lifestyle.  To be an effective leader, you can't just see it as a position, you must see it as a way of living.  You have to be in 100% or not at all.

8. Values

I value honesty.  I really appreciate when my friends are honest with me and are able to talk to me about everything.  Whether it's what's going on in their life or whether it's something they need to approach me about that I'm doing wrong.  It shows someone really cares about me when they are not afraid to gently tell me when I'm wrong and what I need to work on.  Also, when friends are upset with me, I like them to be honest and tell me right away instead of getting more upset or talking to others about it.  I am a pretty open person, and I like to talk things out.

I also value good time management.  I am the kind of person who likes to be early, have a set schedule and stick to it, and be wise with my time.  When people recognize this about me and respect that in being time conscious themselves, it helps relieve a lot of the stress on myself.  When I'm a part of a team, I can get frustrated when time isn't used in the most efficient way, so I value people who take the time we have together seriously.

I also value cleanliness and organization.  I am a very neat and orderly person and I like my personal space to be that way.  When things are consistently out of place or kept dirty for a long period of time, it stresses me out.  I like my desk to be organized, my clothes to be put away, my books to be lined up on my shelf correctly, and dishes to be washed.  I value people who respect their property and others' property by keeping it clean and organized.  It also shows a great amount of responsibility and discipline, which I also value.

7. Absence of Trust

The first of the Five Dysfunctions of a Team according to Patrick Lencioni's book is an absence of trust.

1. Why is it necessary for a team to trust each other in order to succeed instead of just being able to work well together?
2.  How does having the ability to challenge someone else's opinion relate to trust?
3.  What is the benefit from having debates rather than always agreeing on everything?
4.  In order for a meeting to be productive, why is it important that everyone be engaged and involved, even if it doesn't seem like the issue relates to everyone?
5.  How can a team's debates, challenges, and differences help the team go above and beyond?

Answer each of these questions in relation to a large company you are not a part of first, such as a successful business you know about; then think about how these same questions/suggestions can be used in a team you are currently involved in.

Other questions to ponder:
Why is an absence of trust the first and foundation of dysfunctions in a team?
Do you see an absence of trust in your team?  Why or why not?
How can your team strive towards forming trust?

His Waves

I really needed to be reminded of this. Why is it so easy to turn to God in the good times, yet when we struggle we forget Him?  We should always find our peace in our Lord and only Him. So if you find yourself amidst waves today, remember who controls them.  Hold tightly to the one who can calm even the rougheat seas.

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Psalm 42:5-6
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior my God! Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember you.

They are HIS waves, whether they break over us, hiding His face in smothering spray and foam; or smooth and sparkling, spread a path before us, and to our haven bear us safely home.

They are HIS waves, whether for our sure comfort He walks across them, stilling all our fear; or to our cry there comes no aid nor answer, and in the lonely silence none is near.

They are HIS waves, whether we are hard-striving through tempest-driven waves that never cease, while deep to deep with turmoil loud is calling; or at His word they hush themselves in peace.

They are HIS waves, whether He separates them, making us walk dry ground where seas had flowed; or let tumultuous breakers surge about us, rushing unchecked across our only road.

They are HIS waves, and He directs us through them; so He has promised, so His love will do. Keeping and leading, guiding and upholding, to His sure harbor, He will bring us through.

-Annie Johnson Flint

6. Communication

a. Communication is the glue that holds relationships together and keeps them functioning successfully, whether it's a friendship or a leadership.  There are three basic types of communication: unassertive, assertive, and aggressive.  Unassertive is letting people, in a sense, walk all over you, with the mindset that what you have to say isn't good enough, so you just keep quiet.  Being assertive in your communication is saying only what is needed to get your point across.  Aggressive communication is valuing what you have to say over what everyone else has to say.  I would put myself between unassertive and assertive.  I definitely don't think I push my thoughts and ideas on others and at times I am healthily assertive in what I have to say, but sometimes I leave a conversation wishing I had said more of what I really thought.  I need to find a healthy balance in this area of my life.
On the Listening Self-Evaluation I took, which assessed my listening skills, I scored a 69.  The average score is 61.  I think I am a pretty good listener, which probably stems from some of my top strengths: developer, restorative, and empathy.  I am a very empathetic and compassionate person, which is why I'm in the Social Work field.  I enjoy listening to people's struggles and triumphs in order to help and encourage them.  Some things I do need to work on is finding a healthy balance between giving my own input and advice and just simply taking the time to listen to someone talk.  At times I may need to just listen and not talk, but there are also times when advice or guidance is helpful.

b. I have encountered some minor ethical dilemmas in my life.  When I have heard of some people breaking little rules or school policies I face a dilemma.  Should I say something to them about it, even though it doesn't seem like a big deal?  Or should I just let it slide because it could be much worse, and this way I won't seem overbearing or judgmental.  In these cases sometimes I have to go off of rule-based thinking--following a principle that everyone should follow.  It's based on a duty of following and encouraging others to follow the rules.  Not that I necessarily think that they are harming anyone, although they could be indirectly, but breaking rules is disrespectful and could lead to breaking more and bigger rules.

5. Culture

My residence hall has a culture all its own.  Phillipps Hall, along with NCU, follows Christian values and beliefs.  For the most part, we live as a loving Christian community.  We value things like modesty, prayer, and morals.  Community is something that is stressed a lot.  Hall events, floor events, bro/sis events, etc.  Some behavioral norms could include: hanging out in the stairwells with the opposite sex when it's not open dorms, boys blasting their music, such as Friday, by Rebecca Black or Sexy Sax Man, loud enough for all of Phillipps to hear.  Random dance parties, forgetting your keys and pounding on the door, floor transfer days eating in the hallway, Lifecore on Tuesdays, PG on Wednesdays.  Each floor has its own traditions and perks such as the 4E rap and the 1W time capsule.  There is also a distinct dialect of language that has accumulated over the years.  Shortening of words such as: probs-probably, totes-totally, best evs-best ever; and the acronyms such as RD, ARD, DA, RA, and DL.  Oh and don't forget all the different names for meetings: in-service, in-hall, floor council, and wing council.  

Gender, race, and ethnicity all can influence a person's values and their leadership.  These differences are oftentimes put into categories and people tend to associate with people who are similar to them in these areas.  Because of this, they share common beliefs and values and are spread to others of the same.  Since girls all live together on their floors, they will all probably have somewhat similar mindsets about certain things simply by being associated and influenced by the same people all the time.  This also affects leadership because a person needs to lead in a way that will most closely impact the set of people they are leading.  In this way, a leader needs to know the needs and values of the group as it is and determine in what terms they need to be led.  Through an understanding of the cultural factors of a group grows a greater ability to lead.

4. What I Value & Why

Growing up in a Christian home and being very involved in my church had a huge influence in my set of values.  These values I have had most of my life and still do.  I value first of all my relationship with God.  My church believes in having a person relationship with God, and because I've been in an environment that values that, I do, too.  My relationship with God is the thing I value most in my life, and that will never change.  Another value I have is modesty.  My parents value modesty and have taught me about why I should be modest.  Also, the environments I've been in and the friends I've been associated with have also valued modesty for the most part, so it has been easy to keep that as a value in my own life.  All of my experiences in my household and my family as well as my church and my friends there have most influenced the values I continue to obtain in my life.  I am so thankful that I have grown up seeing certain values in order that I might have them impressed upon my life.

Bennis's belief about self knowledge has to do with knowing one's strengths and weaknesses and using that knowledge to work within your strengths.  By identifying your strengths and weaknesses, you can build up your strengths to the point where your weaknesses are irrelevant.  Or, you can build up your weaknesses and turn them into strengths.  Either way, being away of both of these helps a person to acquire a self-knowledge that will prepare them for success in various situations.  In my own life, I have definitely had to come to terms with the fact that I am not going to be good at everything I do, which is very hard for me.  I'm an achiever, according to the strength's finder test, and to most people who know me, so it is very humbling to realize I really cannot be good at everything.  I need to accept my weaknesses and either be okay with it or try to work with them how they are and hopefully grow in that area.  This has also helped me to grow in the areas I am naturally good at and build up those strengths so that I can actually use them for what God intended.

I've been my own best teacher by just learning from the experiences of my life, whether they were successes or mistakes.  I have learned to accept responsibility when I am wrong or when I am lacking in something. For instance, as a leader this year, I have had to realize the areas in which I am lacking in, and fix those things.  Because by not being up to pace, it not only hurts me, but the people around me.  With learning, I have learned a lot through reflection lately.  Sometimes I will be telling someone about something that happened and suddenly it will click.  God has been tying together all these different experiences in my life and showing me how he is using them to teach me and to stretch me.  It takes me a while to get it sometimes, but when I do, it's so obvious the lessons that God is working on me with.  Lately, God has even been using past experiences and past journal entries to teach me things now.  God is not limited to our time, and for that I am so thankful! :)

3. Inclusion

There have been many times where I have felt excluded from a group.  Without pointing out a specific experience, there have been many times in my life where I have felt like an outsider, even though I was among friends.  I think the case where most people end up feeling this way is when the people they are with seem to have a lot in common or some similar experience in which you do not relate.  As humans, we are really relational and we long for relationship in which we can share and relate to similar experiences and feelings.  When people connect on a level like that, the connection is strong, but when someone feels like they haven't had the same type of experience, it can be hard to feel included.  It helps when the people you are with help bring you into the situation and maybe explain an inside joke so that you can laugh about it to or just help you to understand where they are coming from.  For me, there have been times when I have started to feel excluded with friends who shared a fun experience that I wasn't a part of, but they would begin telling it TO me so that I could feel included, even if I hadn't been there.

In high school I was a part of a dance competition group in which I believe was very successful.  As a team, we had to share the same goal and purpose for being a part.  In order for us to succeed individually, though, we had to feel included in the group.  Keeping a positive attitude and being encouraging to one another definitely helped, because we were able to take critiques from each other and learn from them instead of getting upset.  Because we had built those relationships with each other and are able to build each other up, we were able to work hard individually and strive to succeed.  To feel accepted and included as a group allowed for each of us to work hard individually to improve our skills.  The two go hand in hand.

This is so true for every situation.  In order to work well and be successful as a group, we need to have that individual strength to be able to include others and ourselves.  Once we feel that inclusion, growing as a team or an organization will come a whole lot easier.

2. In the Carver's Hands

Leadership does not make a person any better.  It means that they are putting themselves into a position that allows God to use them to mold others.  It reminds me of a wood carver.  God is the wood carver, who has the vision, the goal, and the purpose for each one-of-a-kind creation.  The stump represents each of us, just a huge block, absolutely nothing until our creator starts working on us.  God uses chisels, like people in leadership, whom he has appointed to slowly work on and influence the stumps.  Although the chisels themselves are not doing anything, they are being used at the creator's will.  The chisels alone cannot do anything, but when put into the creator's hands, they are a very useful tool.  If the chisel were to try to do its own thing in the hands of the creator, the vision of the carver and the chisel would clash and it would be a mess.  I think this is a beautiful, yet humbling metaphor for leadership.

I agree more with the more contemporary ideas of shared leadership.  I believe that every one has some form of leadership qualities, whether they're obvious or subtle.  Some people can simply lead by quiet example.  Everyone has unique qualities that are useful in different situations.  No one is good in every situation.  When a team of people get together and just be themselves, each person has something to offer and together they form a successful leadership group.  Some people can even lead as followers--by being hardworking and being able to follow through to get tasks done.

In high school I was a part of a dance competition team.  We worked together and had a system to our practices.  We had specific practice days and times, and there was order to the routines we worked on.  In order to be a successful team we had to have order.  However, flexibility took a huge role in our team, because things never went as planned.  We had to be able to adapt to new situations and places when we went somewhere to compete.  Also, we had to be able to re-block dances if a girl was sick or injured.  Injuries caused the entire dance dynamic to change, and we all had to be able to be calm and positive when things occurred that were beyond our control.